April: Free surfers please clear the competition area between the buoys! Free surfers please move out of the area.
Katie: Get out of the water NOOOOOOWWWWWW! Yeah, I’m talking to YOU! Kai Lenny wannabe!
April: In heat one we have the Alex the Rainbow Tornado Hedmannnnnn in the yellow jersey.
Katie: Alex your shorts aren’t bright enough! You’re bringing me down!
April: In green there’s John King Mullet Beausang!
Katie: Mullet Nationnnnnnnnnnnnn! Fish lips! Fish lips! Fish lips!
April: Paddling in blue is Mike Tavares from Boardworks
Katie: Mike-my-dog-shredder-is-a-better-surfer-than-me Taveres!
April: Jason-my-name-is hockaloogie-Colclough in white.
Katie: Alright gentleman, let’s see a show. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
April: Here comes the rainbow tornado, strokin’ hard.
Katie: That sounds so DIRTY!
April: Oh, here comes Rainbow tornado paddling for a wave and it’s a bust. He lets it slip right out from under him!
Katie: April! This is a FAMILY competition.
April: Tavares paddling into a nice waist-high wave, catching the wave, making a left turn, going down the line. . .
Katie: No cutting in line, Mike!
April: We have green paddling into a wave, catching the wave and doing an immediate bottom turn.
Katie: Is that like twerking?
April: I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that. . .
April: The wave looks like it will close out. . . will he attempt a Carolina floater or smack the lip?
Katie: I drank a Carolina floater the other . . .
Katie and April: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
April: It doesn’t look like he’s going to be doing either. . . he just wiped out.
April: White is up paddling for a wave—a nice bottom turn, top turn combo.
Katie: Wait-what is he doing?
April: He’s a little too close to the in-water photographer! Kid Rock hates the paparazzi!
Katie: FIVE MINUTES surfers! I want to see some ACTION! Make it worth my valet parking tip!
April: Alex Hedman paddling into a double over ankle monster wave! And there are dolphins on the horizon.
Katie: What I hear is, Alex, you’re getting schooled by a dolphin. Is that right, April?
April: That is correct, Katie. Oh look Tavares is paddling into another wave.
Katie: What is he DOING? Playing the hokey pokey?
April: Well, he is trying to turn himself around. The fin’s released and we had an excellent attempt at a flat spin.
Katie: Shred dog would have made it.
April: You are a tough crowd, Katie!
Katie: April why are Beausang and Jason on the same wave? Party wave? The beer’s here onshore.
April: Who’s gonna take it? Who’s gonna bail? Jason goes left, Beausang goes right, they’ve turned into one another. We’re watching a big game of chicken!
Katie: Bok, Bok
April: OHHHHHHH. Jason just got dumped in the closeout, it’s now the Mullet’s wave.
Katie: Time’s running out! Count with me, folks: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
April: That’s gonna be a tough heat to judge.
Katie: Second heat, paddle OUT!
So, who's ready to sign us up?